June 10, 2008

Why late to work? msn news June 10

1. While rowing across the river to work, I got lost in the fog.

2. Someone stole all my daffodils.

3. I had to go audition for American Idol.

4. My ex-husband stole my car so I couldn't drive to work.

5. My route to work was shut down by a presidential motorcade.

6. I have transient amnesia and couldn't remember my job.

7. I was indicted for securities fraud this morning.

8. The line was too long at Starbucks.

9. I was trying to get my gun back from the police.

10. I didn't have money for gas because all of the pawnshops were closed.

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How Not To Get A Job

Vice presidents and Personnel Directors of the one hundred largest corporations were asked to describe their most unusual experience interviewing prospective employees:

A job applicant challenged the interviewer to an arm wrestle.
Interviewee wore a Walkman, explaining that she could listen to the interviewer and the music at the same time.
Candidate announced she hadn't had lunch and proceeded to eat a hamburger and french fries in the interviewer's office.
Candidate explained that her long-term goal was to replace the interviewer.
Candidate said he never finished high school because he was kidnapped and kept in a closet in Mexico.
Balding candidate excused himself and returned to the office a few minutes later wearing a headpiece.
Applicant said if he was hired he would demonstrate his loyalty by having the corporate logo tattooed on his forearm.
Applicant interrupted interview to phone her therapist for advice on how to answer specific interview questions.
Candidate brought large dog to interview.
Applicant refused to sit down and insisted on being interviewed standing up.
Candidate dozed off during interview.

Aerials..

Life is a waterfall,

We're one in the river,

And one again after the fall.

Swimming through the void

We hear the word,

We lose ourselves,

But we find it all

Cause we are the ones that want to play,

Always want to go,

But you never want to stay,

And we are the ones that want to choose,

Always want to play,

But you never want to lose.

Aerials, in the sky,

When you lose small mind,

You free your life.

Life is a waterfall,

We drink from the river,

Then we turn around and put up our walls.

Swimming through the void

We hear the word,

We lose ourselves,

But we find it all

Cause we are the ones that want to play,

Always want to go,

But you never want to stay,

And we are the ones that want to choose,

Always want to play,

But you never want to lose,

ohhh

Aerials, in the sky,

When you lose small mind,

You free your life.

Aerials, so up high,

When you free your eyes,

Eternal prize.

Aerials, in the sky,

When you lose small mind,

You free your life.

Aerials, so up high,

When you free your eyes,

Eternal prize.

"System of a Down"